I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
