at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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