GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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