I'm lost and stupid without you.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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