You're a womanizer and a bitch.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
