You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
