I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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