How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
