I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
