i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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