I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
