got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
