The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We had to coat check the pizza.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
