Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
