4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
