3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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