Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
