I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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