I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
