i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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