i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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