discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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