just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
