I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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