my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
