Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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