so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
