Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
