Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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