Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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