I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
