Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
