Define "chronic" masturbator.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
