sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
