My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
