I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
