I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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