remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
