3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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