seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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