Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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