Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
