I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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