I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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