Whatcha textin bout Willis?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
