Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
