She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
