Say something about gay babies.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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