And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
