I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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